Bittersweet Memories
by outawork
Summary: Nick remembers his life with Judy
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Zootopia or any of its characters, they all belong to Disney.**

 **Bittersweet Memories**

 **Nick sat by their bed. His beautiful bunny reached over and gently touched his arm. The elderly Fox slowly rose to his feet and lay down beside her. Then purple eyes met green ones. He leaned close and touched his lips to hers and when the kiss ended he noticed that her ears were pink. He grinned and then he drew is bunny closer. He looked into her eyes again and she smiled. Eventually her eyes closed and he heard her breathing slow and then finally come to an end. He lay there for a time just holding his bunny and silently wept.**

 **He awoke and reached for his bunny. The other side of the bed was empty. Oh God! It wasn't just a bad dream! She was gone! Again he felt the tears come and bit his lip. Then he sat up and wiped them away. He heard his Maria, his eldest daughter, in the kitchen fixing breakfast and smiled. She and her husband, Mark, and Mary, their daughter, had moved back in with them a few years ago to as they put it 'help them around the house.' Nick smiled at the euphemism.**

 **He took off his pajamas and walked into the bathroom. Then he looked into the mirror and wondered where all the years had gone. He turned on the shower and waited until it warmed. Stepped in he felt the hot water and reveled its heat. He was still in fairly good shape for his 89 years. Oh he had a few aches and pains, but all in all he didn't feel too bad. He washed and then just stood there. Eventually the water began to grow cooler and then he shut it off. The hot air started and he stood there and just stared at the wall. He felt the tears coming again and rubbed his eyes. When he was dry he took a deep breath, stepped out, and started to brush out his fur.**

 **Afterward he went back to his bedroom and stared at the black suit hanging on the closet door. He dressed in a jogging suit and walked slowly to the kitchen. Maria looked up from her cooking and then hugged her father.**

 **"** **Morning," he said.**

 **"** **Dad, I … ," she began and started to cry.**

 **He patted her back and returned the hug.**

 **"** **Shhhh, I'm doing OK," he lied and then smiled. "It smells good. What are we having for breakfast?"**

 **"** **Chicken eggs and blueberry pancakes."**

 **He bit his lip and then turned and sat down at the kitchen table. Soon Mark and Mary joined them and they ate quietly. He felt his granddaughter's hand on his and he squeezed it. She burst into tears and he pulled her close and held her. He looked at his daughter and son-in-law and few tears fell from his eyes too.**

 **"** **Shhhh, come on I'm doing OK," he lied again.**

 **Mary looked at him and he gave her a little smile. She just sat there and stared at plate and then ran off to her room. He looked at his daughter and son-in-law again and eventually they finished breakfast. Afterward he just walked around the house just looking at things and remembering. Then he went to his granddaughter's room and knocked. She opened the door and then looked at the floor.**

 **"** **Granddad, I'm …"**

 **"** **It's OK," he said and put a finger under her muzzle and raised the head. He smiled and put an arm around her. "I have an idea. Why don't we go for a little walk?"**

 **He got his cane, led her outside, and noticed the dark clouds in the distance. BunnyBurrow was usually beautiful this time of the year, but today … it just didn't really matter. Their house was set back in a hollow with many trees surrounding it. He looked around and remembered how Judy had fallen in love with this place when they'd retired from the ZPD. Where had the time gone?**

 **With his arm around Mary they walked on a path though the forest until it ended in an open field. He looked and could just see the Hopps burrow in the distance. He smiled remembering how they use to walk over and having lunch with her parents several times a week and vice versa. Then feeling the sun he looked at the sky and guessed it was getting close to noon. They started back and he saw the all the cars in the driveway. The rest of his children and their families had arrived.**

 **Later he went to his office alone and booted up his computer. He just had to get away and do something normal he did every other day! He went to the BunnyBurrow Times website to read the news as he did everyday for the last twenty some odd years. He saw his Judy's picture on the front page and felt the tears again and had to blink them back. As he read the story he just had to smile. It went on for three pages and they mostly had everything correct. He read it again and then lost himself in his memories.**

* * *

 **"** **Dad," Maria said coming into the office and he jerked awake, "we need to get ready."**

 **"** **Thanks," he said and rose.**

 **"** **Dad, let me …" she began and reached for him.**

 **He held up a hand and stood.**

 **"** **I'm OK," he said and then patted her arm. "I'll be ready in a minute."**

 **He went to his room and stared at the black suit. Mechanically he put it on and then looked into the full length mirror. His lip began to quiver and he bit it until he tasted blood. He straightened his fur and walked back to the kitchen. Only Nicholas, his son, was waiting there for him.**

 **"** **Nick, I'm so sorry."**

 **He looked at his son and it just came out.**

 **"** **Me too, damn it!"**

 **"** **Nick …"**

 **"** **Sorry," he said and patted his son's arm. "You didn't deserve that."**

 **Nick sat the table and stared at nothing at all. Nicholas put a coffee mug in front of him and sat beside his father. Then he felt Nicholas's hand on his shoulder. Nick took a sip and they sat there quietly.**

* * *

 **Nick felt like this ride was the longest of his life. Nicholas parked and they walked into funeral home with all his family around him. They were led to the chapel and he stopped at the door seeing the coffin. A large picture of Judy from her police academy graduation sat beside it. They'd both agreed on a closed casket and he only wanted to remember her as she was in life. The service started, but he remembered little of it. He only stared at her picture remembering. Then it was over and they were following the hearse to the Hopps cemetery.**

 **They parked and then it started to rain. He walked to grave with his family and friends around him. The coffin was already in place and covered in flowers. The priest began to speak, but again he remembered little of it lost in his own memories. Then it was over and he was helped to his knees by Maria. He said a small prayer and wiped his eyes. Then he stood and looked down at her grave and smiled.**

 **Judith Laverne Wilde**

 **My Love, My Life, My Beautiful Bunny**

 **December 25, 1992 - March 5, 2072**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Zootopia or any of its characters, they all belong to Disney.

Bittersweet Memories

Chapter 2

He awoke and reached for his bunny. The other side of the bed was still empty. Six months had gone by and he still did the same thing every morning and she was still gone! Then he felt the tears come and he sat up and vainly tried to wipe them away, but they still came. Eventually they stopped and he just stared at nothing. He went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Even to himself he looked like he'd aged ten years in those six months. The aches and pains had increased and Maria, his eldest daughter, urged him to go to the doctor. He'd finally gone and doctor didn't tell him anything he didn't already know – old age and stress.

He turned on the shower and waited for it to warm. He stepped in and let the hot water wash over him. At least took away some of the pain for a while. Mechanically he soaped up and washed like he did every morning. He let the water wash over him and stared at the wall. Then he lost himself in his memories of her and the tears came again. He tilted his head up and let the water washed them away. Then he turned off the water and hot air came on to dry his fur. That felt good too it for as long as it lasted. Then he stepped out and began to mechanically brush is fur. Nothing took away the pain in his heart.

* * *

He went to the kitchen and sat at the table.

"Morning dad!" Maria said cheerfully. "How ya feelin' today?"

"'bout the same," he said and smiled. "Looks like it's gonna be nice day."

Maria turned and smiled at him, but he could tell it was forced. Then Mary, his granddaughter, came in and sat next to him. She put her hand on his and squeezed it. Nick looked at her and smiled. She'd become a beautiful vixen and he thought she really should be out finding a handsome tod instead of spending all her free time with a broken down old Fox. But deep in his heart he was glad she did.

"Granddad, how 'bout we go for a walk after breakfast?"

"OK, sure," he said and hugged her.

She returned his hug fiercely and kissed his cheek.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear.

He felt his eyes grow moist and forced back the tears.

* * *

They walked the familiar path through the forest, but this time they met someone. It was a Rabbit with purple eyes and gray and white fur.

"Judy!" he cried, but then a moment later he knew it wasn't.

Jill, one of Judy's much younger sisters, hugged her brother-in-law and smiled. She pulled back and looked into his green eyes still smiling. They could've been twins, he thought if his bunny would've been born forty years earlier.

"Sorry," he said not meeting her eyes.

"It's OK," she said as she brushed a tear away. Then her face grew concerned. "You doin' OK?'

"Sure," he lied.

Then she hugged him again. He felt her in his arms and it felt just the same! Even her scent was so similar! Then he looked at her and it was his bunny! Again he lost himself in his memories and just held her close.

"Judy," he said so softly that only Jill heard him, "I miss you so much."

"Nick?" Mary said.

Gradually he released her and green eyes met purple one.

"Jill, I'm sorry," she said and looked away. "I just …"

She took his face in her hands and touched her forehead to his. Then she gently touched her lips to his for just a moment. Mary felt a bit embarrassed and then looked away. Then Jill took his hand and started back the way she'd come. After a few seconds Mary followed. When they came to the end of the path Jill sat and leaned against a tree. She patted the ground beside her and they helped him sit. For a time they only watched the clouds drift by and didn't speak. Then Jill looked at her grandfather.

"Granddad, how ya feelin'?"

"Better."

* * *

As his days passed some things changed. The aches and pains grew steadily worse, but he stoically ignored them. Jill came daily for lunch to spent time with him. She was so much like Judy at her age he had to smile. Her visits and his daily walks with Mary were now the high points in his day.

"Nick, why don't you come to the burrow for a visit?" Jill asked, squeezing his hand. "You should see all the new kits. I'm sure they'd love to see their Uncle."

A smile came to his face.

"OK, why not!"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"That invitation's for everyone, of course," Jill said and looked around the kitchen table. "I'll drive over tomorrow before lunchtime and pick you all up."

"Great!" Nick said and hugged her.

* * *

The next day at 11:45 Jill pulled up in front of the house. Nick came out first with an arm around Mary and sat beside the Rabbit. Mary sat on his other side and her parents sat in the back. It was only a short drive and they arrived just before noon. Mary noticed a newly build ramp to the porch as Jill pulled up next to it. Mary helped her grandfather out of the car and then onto the porch. Her parents followed behind them as Jill parked the car. Then Jill led them though the burrow and out onto the back porch.

To Nick it looked as if every Rabbit in BunnyBurrow were here! They walked down another newly constructed ramp and into a sea of Rabbits. Nick chuckled as the sea parted before them.

"Nick, instead of waiting in line," Jill said patting his hand, "why don't you find a spot and Mary and I will bring you your food."

At first he was going to object, but he knew what his back would feel like afterwards. He looked around and saw an old oak.

"I'll be over there," he said, pointing.

Slowly he walked toward the tree and Mary went with him to help. He sat in the grass and leaned against the oak. The breeze was nice and the day was warm. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Then he smelled Rabbit and chuckled. There must be over a thousand Rabbits here today, he thought. Of course he'd smelled Rabbit! Then he felt a tap on his foot and looked down. A small doe stood looking up at him. She was only about a foot and half tall and was as 'cute' as Judy would've been at that age.

"So who are you?" he asked and smiled.

"Jessie," she said and hopped a bit closer.

She stood again and her nose twitched. He smiled and sat a hand on the ground. She sniffed him and hopped onto his hand. He brought her up to eye level and she stood. Her nose twitched again.

"You're a Fox!"

"You're 100% correct," he said and smiled. "My name is Nick."

He gently petted her and she squeaked with pleasure.

"I smell Rabbit too."

"I have friends who are Rabbits."

Jessie lay flat in his hand as he continued to stroke her.

"Can I be your friend?" she asked.

"Sure," he said gently hugged her close and stroked her back.

He relaxed and closed his eyes.

"So I see you made a friend," Jill said and he looked up surprised. "Do you want to eat here or at a table?"

"It better be a table or I won't be able to get up after I stuff myself."

Jill laughed and set the plate on a nearby table to help him to his feet. The food was delicious and he proceeded to do exactly as he'd said. They made a plate for Jessie from everyone else's and he watched the small doe eat. Then he remembered when some of his and his bunny's kits had been that age. He smiled and stroked Jessie again. When he finished eating he returned to the oak and sat against it. Jessie curled up on his chest and napped. He stroked the small doe and lost himself in memories of another Rabbit.

* * *

A few days later Jill brought a small guest with her.

"Nick," she squeaked and hopped into his lap.

"Jessie, what are you doing here?" he said and gently hugged her.

"I wanted to see you!"

Nick looked at the older Rabbit and raised an eyebrow.

"For the last few days all she's been doin' is talkin' about the nice Fox she'd met."

He tickled the small doe and they both laughed. When they went on their daily walk and Jessie hopped ahead of them as moved along the trail.

"Jessie, don't get so far ahead," Jill said and the small doe stopped to wait.

"Oh, let her have a little fun," Nick said and smiled. "You only live once."

Jill looked at him and smiled.

"OK," she said and looked at Jessie. "Just don't get out of sight."

Jessie hopped away. Since they left a bit later than usual Mary brought along a picnic lunch. Nick sat against his tree with Jessie in his lap and ate. After they'd finished they sat and just watched the day go by. Nick thought things were getting a little better and smiled.

* * *

Two days later Jessie brought along five of her friends. They all wanted to meet the nice Fox. Nick was touched and spent the rest of the day playing with them. Of course, the kits went along with them on his daily walk and they had another picnic. As the days passed more of Jessie's friends came to visit. After two weeks the number of kits had reached nearly two dozen.

"I just can't say no," Jill said and blushed just a bit. "They look at you with those eyes and …"

"Your heart just melts."

He looked down and Jessie stared up at them.

"Nick, I have a lot more friends," Jessie said and smiled, "and I've told them all about you. They all want to meet you, but I know Jill can't bring them all. You should just come and stay with us."

"But …" he began and then smiled.

"Nick," Jill said and then her eyes twinkled.

"Out of the mouth of kits!"

* * *

A week later he walked into the burrow and took the elevator down to the second floor. Then he walked straight to Judy's old room and put his hand on the doorknob.

"Nick, you can have any other empty room in the burrow," Jill said, putting her hand on his.

"This one will be fine," he said and opened the door. "I'll be OK."

"I'll come get you for supper, OK?"

"Sure."

It was just as he remembered it. Judy's parents never touched a thing. Someone had come in and cleaned up a bit and put his boxes by the new chest of drawers. He hadn't brought much and had everything put away in less than an hour. Then he took a shower and then brushed his fur until it shown. He dressed and looked at Judy's bed. Then he laid down and put his head on the pillow. He caught a hint of her scent and inhaled deeply. He smiled and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

He felt a hand on his arm and woke.

"Nick," Jill said and shook him. "It's time for supper sleepyhead."

He yawned and sat up. He was hungry.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Come on!" she said and tapped her foot.

Just way she said it and inclination of her voice brought back a memory. He smiled and grabbed his cane.

* * *

He looked over the crowd and noticed not all the animals were Rabbits. First he noticed about a dozen predators whose tables set off to one side away from the prey – Wolves, cheetah, and even two Arctic Foxes! There was other prey too – Hare, Deer, Elk, and pair of Lemur.

"Nick."

He turned and Mary hugged him.

"Surprised to see me?"

"Yes!"

"I'm going to be staying here too."

"But …"

"I'm 19 years old so can live anywhere I want and I want to stay close to you!"

Nick looked at Jill and she only shrugged.

"She can help around the farm after her classes at BunnyBurrow University," she said and smiled at him. "I even found a job for you!"

She tapped finger on his chest with each word.

"Really."

"You didn't think I'd let you just sit around all day, did you?"

* * *

The next day at 8:50am Jill knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Nick said.

Jill did as he just finished brushing out his fur.

"Ready?"

"It's been a while since I started a new job."

He remembered his first day on patrol with his bunny and chuckled. Jill looked and smiled at him completing his memory.

"Trust me this job is perfect for you."

"If you say so."

She led him the elevator and it stopped on the sixteenth floor. After a short walk they stopped a door and he looked at the sign and laughed. She was right it was perfect. She indicated that he should go first and he opened the door. A hundred or so kits stopped what they were doing, turned, and sniffed the air.

"Nick," Jessie said and ran to him.

Nick dropped to his knees and the small doe hopped into his arms. He laughed and gently hugged her. He looked back at Jill and smiled.

"Thank you!" he said and wiped tears from his eyes.

* * *

A year past and now each and every day his had something to look forward to. He was happy. He still thought of Judy and the tears still came, but not quite as often. His aches and pains were a bit worse and he'd been to the doctor again. Now he took a pill each day and it knocked the pain down a notch, but it still hurt. That day like all the others before it he woke, got ready, and hurried to work – at least as fast as a ninety year old Fox could hurry. He didn't really think it of it as work since all he did was play with kits.

He was a bit earlier than usual and he started to get things ready. The first parents began to arrive ten minutes later. Soon he was watching fifty of them chasing each other, rolling around with each other, or huddled around him listening one of his stories. The door opened and Jill came in leading Jessie and several others.

"Nick, how ya doin' today?"

"Good," he said and smiled. "It's like being a father again."

"I'll be back at lunch to give you a hand with them," Jill said and smiled.

"OK, see you then."

He had fun for the next couple of hours and then it was nap time. He lay on his cushion and the kits gathered around and snuggled up to him. He smiled and watched as they fell asleep. Then he yawned and joined them.

His dream was familiar one, but they were never quite the same as reality. It was his first day at the ZPD and he and his bunny were on patrol looking for a street racier that was tearing up Savanna Central. He just did a faceplant into the dash and looked at his bunny.

"You know you love me," he said and smiled.

"Do I know that?" she said, but this time she didn't look away. "Yes. Yes, I do with all my heart."

Their lips met and he just faded away.

* * *

Jill and Mary peaked in just before lunch and saw they were still all asleep. Nick should have gotten them all up by now. The kits were pressed in close to him and she smiled. One kit woke and hopped to them.

"Nick must be really tired," Jessie said and smiled. "He's napping with us for last few days."

Jill went to him and knew as soon as she touched him.

"Mary," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Look he's smiling," Jessie said and smiled. "He must be happy."

* * *

He went toward the light and it was so bright! He shut his eyes and felt the warmth. Then he felt like he was falling! But he slowed and touched the ground very lightly. The warmth faded and saw a bunny on all fours. Instantly he knew who it was! It was his bunny! His Judy!

His bunny squeaked and then she tried again with the same result. Then he tried to say her name, but all that came out was a yip. Then he moved closer. Then the glow began and when they touched it flashed. They reflexively they closed their eyes. When he opened his eyes there stood his bunny just as she remembered her when he'd first met her all those years ago. He gave her a foxy smile. Since they only had eyes for each other nether of them noticed the changes around them.

"Fluff!"

"Nick!"

Green eyes met purple ones. He dropped to his knees and pulled her into his arms. Their lips met and they were in heaven.

To see this story from Judy's point of view please read 'Waiting for Him.'


End file.
